Baptism by Phonetics

As I have featured in my infamous long e-mails of yore, Australians have a very distinct interpretation of the English language. Housie and I were frustrated at first, spouting off frustration over what we saw as unneccesary diminutives and rhetorical-questions-pawned-off-as-comments.

Still, Australian idiosynchrasies have crept into my vernacular and slowly gnawed away at my US-based stubbornness. Like Dennis the Menace melts Mr Wilson's cold, cold heart using his charming tomfoolery and cheekiness, so too have these ridiculous phrases broken down my own wall of linguistic prejudice. I have--indeed-- jumped right on the bandwagon. You win, Australia. Call me Mrs Macquarie.

Here are a few of the little gems:

INCOMPLETE SIMILES

This was most recently implemented by Ford's popular campaign for its car, the Focus, where they used a popular female radio host (Jackie O) and one half of the Australian Idol host team (Andrew G). The two buzz around town in their spiffy Ford Focuses with bowls of goldfish and ipods on the top of their cars which they (silly presenters!) left on the roof by accident. Of course, the objects never fall off, because the Focus is smooth as.

Aussies also employ "_______ as" when they're excited about something:

That boy is smart as!
Boy, I need to change into something more breathable. It's hot as outside!

RHETORICAL QUESTIONS PARADING AS EMPHATIC STATEMENTS

I was famously called out on not knowing this technique's meaning in June of '06. While busting out my supersleek Sony Cybershot™, an Australian friend "commented" (or should I say QUESTIONED):

Look at your camera; how small is that?!
to which I promptly responded,
I dunno, like 5 inches? I'm really bad at spatial skills
to which he replied
ahahahahahaha it's just an expression, duh

Another exemplary anecdote:

I just tried the Thai pumpkin soup. It's so much spicier than the other kind; I really like it!
I know-- how good is it?

ABBREVIATIONS














Australians are very aware of this idiosynchracy, unlike some of the others mentioned here. They chalk it up to "being lazy." I suppose I agree, in most instances. Still, sometimes by "abbreviating" a name, they make it longer. Adding a -y suffix to the end of comedian Dave Hughes' last name instantly "cutens" it and makes it longer. Why infantise the grown men of Australia? And forget sportspeople. By the time they can swing a bat or swim a lap, they are nicknamed. It even extends to non-Australian athletes. Just the other day I heard a Channel 10 sports reporter refer to the USofA's own Michael Phelps as Phelpsie. I hate to break it to you, folks, but I don't think the Yanks have a petname for their best living swimmer.

The other type of abbreviation that shocked me upon first arrival is the idea of a professional/commercial/nationally and socially accepted abbreviation. Car companies advertise free reggo for new automobiles (that's registration), reputable restaurants tout big brekkies on weekends (that's breakfast), and the game Australian Rules Football is unequivocally called the footy.

I haven't begun to mention the more casual abbrevs. The following are essentially only used in abbreviated form:

• bottle shop=bottle-o
• sick day=sickie
• afternoon=arvo
• musician=muso
• barbeque=barbie
• cup of tea or coffee=cuppa
• mosquito=mozzie
• Tasmania=Tassie
• vegetables=vegies
• thanks=ta
• cooler=eskie
• french kiss(passionate kiss)=pash
  

This batch is used more like 60% of the time in abbreviated form:

• relatives=rellies
• Christmas=Chrissie
• present=pressie
• umbrella=brellie
• sandwiches= sangas
• cookies(biscuits)=bickies
• chicken=chook

"HAVE" INSTEAD OF "TAKE"

Instead of taking a nap or a shower, Australians have a nap or a shower. This is also used when people have to make decisions:

Well, I won't make you choose right now whether you want to take the job. Have a think about it over night.

In some instances, they add "a bit of." This is most often used for casual things:

We had a bit of a chat at the pub last night

"HAVEN'T GOT" INSTEAD OF "DON'T HAVE"

Do you have my change yet?
No, I haven't got my paycheck yet.

"HAVE GONE" INSTEAD OF "SAID"

Usually used in recounting an old story:

Then she told him that his fly was down, and he's just gone 'Um yeah, thanks for that.'

FULL-ON INSTEAD OF TOTALLY OR COMPLETELY

He was fully dancing like a maniac.

And you're saying they made you stay at work an extra 3 hours?
Yeah, full-on!

"SHOCKING" INSTEAD OF "TERRIBLE"

I am a shocking golfer. You wouldn't want to play in a tournament with me.

That chick off Australian idol is shocking.
Yeah I know; she can't carry a tune at all.

"IN" INSTEAD OF "ON"

This refers to streets. A building is not on a street, but rather located in one.

"COME ACROSS" INSTEAD OF "COME OVER"

Can you tell her to come across to our house and return my pie dish?

"I'M HAPPY TO" INSTEAD OF "I'M FINE WITH"

This phrase is misleading because it doesn't necessarily mean the person involved is ecstatic with doing something.

If it's a working mother's turn to carpool, but she's very busy at work that day and doesn't really want to do her neighbourly duty, she might say:

Look, I'm happy to drive them all to school, we just have to make sure we leave by 8:15 at the latest.

"A CLASSIC"

This is used to denote someone is funny, even if they aren't trying to be, or they did something comical for the first time:

Oh my God, Claire accidentally sent that wildly inappropriate website around to all her work friends. What a classic.

"A LEGEND"

This usually involves alcohol. If someone performs an act of comedy or saves a funny situation, his/her friends might refer to him/her as a legend.

Even though he locked himself out of the house, somehow Hugh pried open his bedroom window so he could bring those four bottles of wine to the Thai restaurant for my birthday. What a legend!

"GO OFF"

This has two meanings: a) food has expired; b) a place is really crowded/happening.

a) Ew this milk smells awful. It must've gone off a couple days ago.

b) That pub is going OFF! Let's go there!

My linguistic journey continues, and I will invariably add to this list in my remaining year. Goon onya, Oz!